Telling kids about divorce? Avoid these mistakes. 
 

By Rosalind Sedacca, CCT 
 

Getting divorced or separated. Not sure how to tell your kids?

Learn the most common mistakes parents make when having

the “divorce talk” so you can spare your children from

unnecessary emotional trauma.  
 

Getting psyched up to tell your children about your pending divorce

-- or separation? Not sure what to say? When to say it? How to

say it? What to expect after the conversation? What to do next?

How do deal with your special circumstances? What therapists,

mediators, attorneys, clergy and other professionals suggest you do

and don't do to make things better all around? Well, you're not

alone. 
 

Having the "divorce talk" with a child you love is one of the

toughest conversations you'll ever have. Shouldn't you be prepared?  
 

Professionals all agree on some of the most common mistakes parents

make when bringing up divorce or separation. These include: 
 

* asking children to bear the weight of making decisions or

choosing sides 
 

* failing to remind children that none of this is in any way their

fault 
 

* forgetting to emphasize that Mom and Dad will still always be

their Mom and Dad -- even after divorce! 
 

* confiding adult details to children in order to attract their

allegiance or sympathy 
 

* neglecting to repeatedly remind children that they are safe,

innocent and very much loved  
 

* failing to explain clearly that everything is going to be okay! 
 

These are just some of the most common messages that parents fail

to convey because they're just not prepared -- and most probably

quite scared! 
 

If you're about to tackle this tough conversation -- or you know

someone who is – there's help you can depend on to simplify the

process. Don’t wing it unprepared. You wouldn’t go on vacation

or plan a party without advanced preparation. Why tackle one of

the most important and emotionally charged talks you’ll ever have

with your children without giving it just as much – if not more –

thought and attention? 
 

If you’re not sure what to say and how to say it in age-appropriate

language, there are many resources available to help you. Therapists

and mediators provide excellent personal guidance. Collaborative

divorce attorneys (those who specialize in creating non-adversarial

divorce solutions) can be of great assistance at this time. So can

clergy, school Guidance Counselors and parenting experts. There are

many articles and books written on the subject as well. 
 

One digital guidebook that was just launched on the internet provides

a unique approach through the creation of a personalized family

storybook – prepared in advance – with photos and fill-in-the-blanks

templates. To learn more about How Do I Tell the Kids about the

Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children

– with Love! visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. 
 

However you approach this challenging conversation, be prepared.

Understand the effects – both emotionally and psychologically – this

news can have on your children, and learn how to avoid the common

mistakes parents can make when they haven’t done their homework

in advance. You and your children can survive -- and even thrive after

divorce. Think before you leap and give your family a sound foundation

on which to face the changes ahead with security, compassion and love. 
 

*   *   * 
 

Rosalind Sedacca, Certified Corporate Trainer and relationship seminar

facilitator, is the author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids …

about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your

Children – with Love! To learn more about the guidebook, visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com. Rosalind can be reached at rosalind@childcentereddivorce.com.  For free articles on child-centered

divorce or to subscribe to her ezine, go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com. 
 

© Rosalind Sedacca 2007.  All rights reserved.