California Family Law – Visitation/CS/Custody/ Mediation?
Hey! So I just went through the California Mediation process for my daughter. I feel I did well. I was calm, cool, and collective and realize the father was trying to push my buttons. I’m asking for sole legal and physical custody. Yes I’m filing for cs and even offering him visitative (supervised). However, he believes it’s absurd. Hello? He hasn’t seen his daughter nor made know attempt to see her or ask how she is doing. First thing he said in mediation was try to bring me down and saying I was harassing him. I clearly am not. I personally wish to have no contact with him. I told the mediator I was there strictly on behalf of my daughter and what was between us is in the pass. At first he stated in his declaration he wanted nothing. Now he is stating he wants joint legal custody and UNsupervised visitation and both of us go through a psyche evalution. The mediator told him he was hostile and how much psyche evaulution costs. $1,500-$3,000. Yet he makes claims he is ..
claims he is unable to support himself and can’t pay child support. Hmmm… He claims I’ve threatening him and tried to show the mediator papers from his friends about me. The mediator didn’t look at them because all papers submitted must go to all parties. ME! Help! Anyone that has been through the process…Did I do the right thing just by being calm, cool, and collective? I could bring up all the times he has called me/emailed me/ etc etc..but I don’t have that kind of time. It’s not worth it.
All his paperwork contradicts himself and is all over the place. Whereas, mine is consisted. He has threatened me that he was going to put my daughter (The daughter he hasn’t seen up for adoption) and trying to make me seem unstable and unfit. Why do guys do this? My lawyer said he is lucky he is even getting visitation. And he is stating he has lost friends because of me and it’s my fault his life has been hell. I haven’t done anything bad to him but try to include him in his daughter’s life but he choses not to exericise those rights.
Oh and also, he wanted me to leave the room as he talks to the mediator alone. Of course the mediator didn’t allow that. He than started to go off on me stated I how I’ve made his life a living hell. He dominated the room with how hostile he was. I think maybe I was too passive and didn’t say more but all I did say what about my daughter and I. What I request and didn’t talk bad on him at all.
Oh also…..what he had the nerve to say was that I was obessed over him when it took me 4 months to actually go out with him after he persisted on me to date him? Hmmm….He tried to say I was obessive with him? He would call me all the time, text, email me, etc. And he saids I was obessive? Pretty funny…I was laughing inside.
Oh anothing thing that pissed me off on the inside is that he said things like I would break into his place leaving my stuff behind, when he very well knew his roommate let me in and we’re friends. He knew I left my things at his house and he turns it around saying I’m like stalking him. I was biting my tonge hard to not explode at him and put him back in check to know that isn’t true but I kept my cool. I’m just worried about the visitation. I don’t want him to have unsupervised and clearly his actions and behavorior demonstrate he needs supervised visitation.
I think what you did was the right thing.. By letting him "get your goat" so to speak, will prove his case.. Its best to sit back, and bite your tongue.. If he’s that irrational, and hostile, then I dont think even supervised visits are advised until he can get counceling.. I’m afraid that I’m going to have to go through something similiar in Oregon, when my son’s father decides again that he wants to see my son
part of your paragraph is missing, i dont know what you question is. but it sounds like i went through the same thing in california as you did.
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I think what you did was the right thing.. By letting him "get your goat" so to speak, will prove his case.. Its best to sit back, and bite your tongue.. If he’s that irrational, and hostile, then I dont think even supervised visits are advised until he can get counceling.. I’m afraid that I’m going to have to go through something similiar in Oregon, when my son’s father decides again that he wants to see my son
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It is hard, but it sounds like you did the right thing. He is showing his true colors and it will hurt him in the end. The mediator will tell the court what she feels is best for the child and from what you say he has already given the mediator reason to doubt that he should have unsupervised visitation. It will take time but it will work out. Keep putting the baby first and do not listen to all he says about the past, it is not important to the court. You may end up fighting for child support for a very long time, many trips back into court when he does not pay and do not expect him to become a regular visitor in the child’s life. My suggestion is to keep doing what you are doing and try not to tell your child negative things about her Dad.
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